Through the Ages – Grieving Las Vegas
Las Vegas
Also known as…
‘Vegas’, ‘City of Lights’, ‘City that never sleeps.’ There’s always something on in Vegas, 24 hours a day. I guess you either love it or hate it. For some the most exciting place on earth, for others a kitsch and artificial neon lit jungle which they can’t get out of fast enough.
At any time of night or day you can hire a lawyer, have your carpet cleaned, dry-clean your clothes, grab a bite to eat, buy groceries and get married/ divorced – though preferably not all at the same time.
Ethos
GLITZ GALORE, everything is BIG, BRASSY, BRIGHT.
If you’ve got it flaunt it.
Things to do
Gamble, dance, eat, party, dress up as Elvis, get married. Throw various undergarments at Barry Manilow whilst being schmoozed with “I write the songs.” Hundreds of middle aged women join in on the choruses, shouting out “Barry we love you” and storming the stage in fits of mad passion.
Advice for travellers
Let your hair down, don’t take it too seriously and enjoy! Stay for just a few days – there’s only so much gambling, dancing and partying that you can do and it could start to wear a bit thin.
Attractions
To attract you into the casinos you see:
Massive fake volcanoes spewing fake lava, with fake waterfalls and fake lagoons. Fake dinosaurs crawling around roaring at tourists with fake furs and jewels. Neon lights everywhere, Barry Manilow’s nose (you can’t miss it – however often mistaken for the aforementioned artificial volcano).
Beware celebrity impersonators of varying abilities sneaking up behind. Most common are Elvis, James Cagney and Humphrey Bogart but also beware the surprise attack by an old blue eyes ‘do be do be doing’ or a Dean Martin holding a glass in one hand, a cigarette in the other crooning “Everybody loves my body sometimes.”
Circuses are connected to some casinos, with ferocious man eating, blood thirsty animals with sharp teeth and claws pacing their cages and smashing themselves wildly against the bars – put there to signal to casino punters, “Come on in and have a nice relaxing time.”
What to wear
Subtlety is the name of the game.
Big hair (permed and blow waved), polyester pants, bright shirts, stick – on hairy chests, sunglasses in day or night, jewellery including gold dangler, gold bracelet and massive ‘rock’ gem stone rings, Stetson hat (optional).
Ball dresses or hot pants, fur coat, jewels everywhere, frilly blouse, ostentatious head wear, makeup packed on, colourful wig, extraordinarily high heels, loud irritating voice a pre-requisite.
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Cultural highlights tour
Not applicable
Nearest we could find to a cultural highlights tour was…
Liberace Museum
Elvis shrine – both highly tasteful and moving experiences
Other facts
The brightest city in the world – can be seen from 500 miles up.
Biggest downer
The electricity bill